Doctor Who Dreams.

Woke up from two Doctor Who dreams this morning that I only remember bits and pieces or ideas from. Both dreams featured my beloved 10th Doctor.

1) There was a fake Doctor that was trying to trap the real Doctor in a parallel world. There was a fake Amy that was controlling these make-shift Daleks, to try and back the real Doctor up into one of those lifts with the metal gate. There was a weird switching of TARDIS doors and these lift gates. Finally, one of the Doctors (I don't remember if it was the real one or the fake one), flew off into space in a "TARDIS" that was just this lift with the metal gates on all sides.


2) The Doctor was helping Martha into a car, but time kept skipping. First, the Doctor was simply helping her into the car. He was in the middle of closing the door, and there was a skip. The Doctor was still closing the car door, but you see Martha sitting in the seat looking a bit tousled like she just got in a fight. And the Doctor jokingly said, "Must have been a fun night." Then another skip. The Doctor is just finishing up closing the door, but Martha stops the door from closing. Her face is a mess, and she's looking at the Doctor in fear.  She wanted to stop the door from closing to try and run away.

That second dream was really pretty messed up and freaky. I don't even know.

I think I can understand why I had Doctor Who dreams. Recently, the Doctor Who Fan Orchestra (which I sing in) released our latest piece -- A Christmas Carol Suite. Also, a very close friend spoiled me for Christmas with a bunch of Doctor Who things from ThinkGeek, including 10th's and 11th's sonic screwdrivers, and I've been agonizing over whether or not I should open one or both to use, or if I should keep them in their packages because they're so awesome (and I already have and use two pens, a flashlight and a keychain that are all 10th's sonic). Then, the Christmas special is coming up (and I need to convince Yubo to let me get it on iTunes so we can watch it). So obviously, Doctor Who has taken up a lot of my thoughts lately..... more so than usual. But that certainly doesn't explain the actual content of the dreams. But I've been watching some pretty messed up anime lately too, so that might be why.

Anyway, just thought I'd jot those down.

Issues Resurfacing

No specific dreams, but two in a row involving Yubo "failing" me.

Last week was very stressful for a number of reasons. The weekend was worse. So on the one hand, I'm not surprised that I had these dreams. On the other hand, I think they go deeper and I don't know what they're *really* about.

• First dream involved Yubo smoking right in front of me. I threw a major fit, cussing and yelling (although it felt constrained, like when you try to run or punch in a dream but your legs are heavy and your fist is weak and slow). He just looked at me, unaffected. He wasn't happy, sad, angry, indignant. Nothing. And when I ran off, he didn't follow me.

My interpretation of this was, it's not that I'm paranoid about his smoking (although I still am at times). I feel like I don't affect him. Part of this stems from realizing that I don't know what turns him on. That extends to not really knowing what he likes aside from gaming. ((When I want to do something nice for him, it usually involves enhancing his gaming, even though I really hate that he games so much -- for instance, I just bought him a charging station for his XBox controllers.)) And I can trace that back to feelings I've had before that we're really just leading very separate lives, and we've been separate for so long that we simply don't know each other anymore. And what we do know is very vague and surface.

• The second dream was this morning. We were out with friends or something, and ended up watching a movie that kept us out late. Upon exiting the theater or something, he wasn't with me. I tried calling him, and he never answered his phone. I just couldn't find him or get a hold of him. At some point I went back to the entrance of the theater, from which he emerged looking half asleep. I yelled at him because all that searching and waiting for him kept us out even later. I was saying how I had to be up early, and did he not realize that now I would only get 2-3 hours of sleep. Again, but not as prominent, was a lack of reaction.

The obvious things are how he didn't answer his phone and how he kept me from sleep. Going a bit deeper, I would say this is a reflection of how I feel he doesn't consider me. That I'm unimportant and insignificant to him, which I do feel strongly from time to time.

Doctors and Dragons.

The Dream

There's a haunted hotel in my dream world. I was there for a moment. It's a hotel where my room is on the second floor, but I frequently get lost on the third.

The third floor is more haunted than the second, apparently. Mostly just flickering lights, though. When I find myself there -- usually because every time I try to take the elevator, it always lands me there -- I make my way towards the center of the building, where there's a small apartment, of sorts, of the caretaker in between floors. It's not exactly on the second or third floor, and it's not perfectly two levels either. So there are landings that take you that extra couple feet down or up, depending.

Frequently, there are several ladies in the living room or kitchen having tea. That's how I'm able to just let myself in. This time, I asked one of the ladies to guide me, because I so frequently get lost. She ended up taking me outside, rather than get to the second floor, which seemed the only good way to find the second floor.

But instead of actually taking me to the second floor, she took me on a tour of the area we were at. We went to many random places that didn't seem to have any connection. Finally, we ended up in this open hilly field, though it was smaller -- just like a large park... similar to Granada Park in Alhambra. But there was a beautiful lake that seemed to glow, with many small veins feeding it (or leaving it -- hard to tell).

And I said, "I know this place. I was here with him. We've been going to places that he took me."

We had walked downhill towards the water. I turned around, and at the top of the hill was the blue box, and walking towards me was my Doctor.

"Why are you here?" I exclaimed.

"In hopes you would find me," he said.

We ran to each other and embraced.

View changed. I'm watching from the outside rather than being the girl.

The Doctor slipped her into the TARDIS, to trick her, to protect her. But she ended up in there with someone else that needed to be tricked. Outside, there were two Doctors... the 10th and 11th. 10th had something in his hand that he hid behind his back, something he had to bring to this moment. Both were telling the two inside the TARDIS to not believe what was going to happen outside.

"Whatever you do, don't try to save us."

10th stabbed 11th with the syringe that was in his hand. But widening the view of the camera showed that at that same moment, someone came from behind to stab 10th with an identical syringe, right into the top of his head. It was chaos and screaming. The two ran out of the TARDIS, disobeying orders completely, and were caught in illusion. The two Doctors tried their best to reason... what the two had seen and what they were seeing wasn't real. But everything was sensory overload, and the nonsense too much.

I think I woke up, then went back to sleep.

Similar setting, this place with the glowing water. But it was winter, with snow, making the water glisten even more and look more alien. There were raised cabins near the top of this big hill. It was quite a hike to get to, but the scenery along the way made every step worth it.

It was something very similar to church camp. Yubo's parents were there. We were in free time, so the kids were playing, mostly indoors from the cold. The adult counselors were in a meeting. Yubo was in a big room with some kids, mostly teenage girls. I wanted to look at the water again, so I walked down the hill.

I got near the bottom, and was trying to get a closer look at a disk-shaped rock that had a white ring encircling a black center. As I stepped closer, I heard a growl, and that "rock" focused on me. I stepped back and looked closer at the ground around me, and nearly everything suddenly seemed alive -- the body that belonged to that eye. Frantic, I made my way back up the hill to tell the others.

I tried calling Yubo, but a pair of girls answered his phone and wouldn't let me talk to him, even though I said it was really important. Frustrated, I just finished the hike and got to the commons between the cabins. During that time, I tried searching the net on my phone to see if there were stories or rumors of this part of Japan (apparently we were in Japan) being on the back of a monster or dragon. Results were hard to find as I couldn't remember the name of this location. I actually really didn't know where we were, except that it was part of Japan.

All the counselors were outside, paired up and praying for each other. Some were in terrible moods, crying and huddled on themselves. Someone had lost somebody in their life, and was mourning. Pastor Wayne was with this person, so I sought out Yubo's mom instead. She's not in charge, but she'd believe me, I thought.

By the time I reached her, most of the counselors were done praying. I jumped onto a banister, crouching as I asked the attention of all the counselors. When I told them what I discovered, nearly all of them just started laughing and walking away. I didn't have any evidence, especially since I wasn't able to find any stories/rumors/legends.

The trip ended peacefully. But I was carrying a glass cylinder with a rock in it. It was lumpy like lava before it's cooled, but burnt black in color. It had a white and black spot on one end, like the "rock" I discovered at the base of the hill.

The glass wasn't much bigger than my hand... perhaps the diameter of a standard petri dish, and just taller. But as I showed Yubo the rock, pointing my finger at that spot, it reacted, the head of this little dragon lifting to meet my finger through the glass. And somehow there was my proof as we boarded the plane that the hill we were camping at was a dragon.

---

My Thoughts

The location of Japan is probably because I was looking into what resorts we have through our timeshare right before I went to bed. The confusion of actual location is because as I was searching for resorts, I really didn't know where they were, so couldn't settle to choose one even to look at.

The Doctors were there because I've been re-watching episodes. NO IDEA about those syringes though. There was also some weird thing about kissing in all that nonsense, but I couldn't remember enough to include it.

The water is perhaps from waking up at 4:00am parched, and finishing up the water we had in the fridge. I kept reminding myself that I'll need to go buy more water as I returned to bed. Dunno about how it looked though -- truly magnificent.

I'm still intrigued by my dream world... the buildings and places that are the same every time I dream them. I'm also entertained by my dreams that play out like movies. Like when I say the camera panned out, it really was like a camera moving back/zooming out in a movie scene. It makes me wonder what dreams were like before television and movies.

Dreams of Things Lost

I can't separate this into 'Dreams' and 'Thoughts' because I don't remember enough of the dream I'm going to talk about. I title this in this way because before this main dream, I dreamt about having a loaf of bread, which in reality, we already finished. Dumb, I know. But that dream with the loaf of bread was the first dream I had about my grandpa.

It's been just over 5 weeks since he passed. Sometimes I feel like I haven't mourned enough. Other times, it takes me by surprise -- like when I was driving to Michaels for more yarn the other day.

This latest dream is one I've been struggling with. We were looking at a new house. It was gorgeous, and huge. A mansion, basically, although it was almost in a condo setting. But again, it was beautiful, and it was an easy walk to the market down the street. We walked out to see what the outside was like, and we had to cross the street to get a good view. Walking ahead of me was my grandpa. My sister was walking next to me. He stopped and turned to us just before we crossed, and he held out his hands to us. My sister took his left hand, and I took his right. His old, wizened and leathery hand felt amazing in mine. I was fumbling for my phone because I wanted to take a picture of my hand in his. But by the time I got my phone out, we already finished crossing, and our hands released. And I was too embarrassed to ask him again just for a picture. So I just turned to look at the house, and it was just as beautiful outside. I was amazed at how large it was compared to the houses around it. Overall, we just concluded that it was a very good house and it was a good choice.

My struggle is wondering what this dream means. Am I just dreaming about him because I miss him so much? Is he trying to tell me that everything is good now? When I say he, do I mean my grandpa or God? Or am I just trying to make myself feel better by interpreting this dream in a certain way?

April 27, 2011

The Dream

We were vacationing on some island. We went into this resort, but when we got there, they made us switch partners. I ended up with this pretty blonde woman; I don’t know who Yubo ended up with. So I had to act like I liked women too so we wouldn’t get kicked out. At one point, we all gathered in the lobby. I stayed by my new partner. For some reason, most of us were naked. She and I held hands, trying to be convincing of our new couple status. When Yubo came into the lobby, I was relieved when he spotted us and came over to stand by us. He stood very close to me so we could hold hands secretly, but the girl I was with suspected, and pulled me closer to her. I was still close to Yubo, but not close enough to hold hands without being caught anymore. So I played lovey-dovey with her, even though I could see Yubo’s hurt face; he couldn’t hide it.

At some point, the “meeting” ended. Everyone was filing out, but my partner and I got lost. There were so many people, but there were also so many stairs. We didn’t know how to get out of the resort. At that moment, we had to get out of the resort before dark. Didn’t know why, but we just had to. So we started running. We finally had clothes on now. My partner said something about having to go back to our room so she could get cash. I told her we didn’t have time. We passed by an ATM, and she wanted to stop. I begged her to keep going, reminding her that we had to get outside before dark. I grabbed her hand and started running again.

Stairs weren’t taking us where they should have. Escalators weren’t matching the stairs that were next to them. We tried following people, assuming that they also knew they had to get outside, but it wasn’t happening.

Eventually, we found the right set of stairs – just four levels down – and we made it outside. When we got outside and looked back up at the resort, my partner saw a window open at a corner of the second level. Worried that someone was left behind, she ran right back into the resort. Ugh! I followed her.

Running down the hall, I noticed that several doors were missing. But there were some gaps – holes cut out into the walls. I saw that the doors had been painted and wallpapered over. We reached the end of the hall to the room that should have had the window open. There was still a door. We knocked, but no one answered. I managed to get my partner to run back out with me.

The scene switched to the inside of the room. It’s so cramped in there; it’s almost like a closet. Rose Tyler was hiding in there. At the door, someone knocked. Then these clamps started snapping away at the door. Rose’s ridiculous curiosity drew her to open the door even as it was being attacked, and she screamed at the sight of these fish monsters. Humanoid bodies with sharp claw-like clamps for hands, topped with large fish heads. She struggled to shut the door again. Through her struggle, smaller, more delicate clamps made their way through and pierced the attacking fish hands. The Doctor! Rose’s unspoken relief.

The Doctor opened the door, revealing that it was just him now. He smiled at Rose, grabbed her hand, and they were off down the hallway.

Another weird switch happened. They reached the end of the hallway where there was a stairwell. Standing in the stairwell was another Doctor, carrying an unconscious Rose in his arms. He told the current Doctor that he would take care of her, and gave some warning about locking the car door. As the current Doctor ran off, the other Doctor called back to him. He tossed him a soft leather-bound book, saying that he probably shouldn’t be doing that. The current Doctor caught it with a smile, and both continued on their ways.

The Doctor reached the garage and found his car. He hurried in, but wasn’t quick enough to lock the door. Here, we got some insight about the monsters. They’re fish, and they use lures to capture humans – using what their prey desires. For the Doctor, a Rose appeared in the passenger seat. Then it was like a hallucination trip. The Doctor fought it, driving around crazily. He kept his finger on the lock switch, waiting for the moment when the fake Rose would tumble out of the car from his ridiculous driving.

He swirled out of the parking structure and tumbled out of the car himself. Don’t know what happened to the car. It disappeared as we went into this next scene.

The Doctor stood there in a large empty space right outside the parking structure. Looking across a large puddle, he saw a very strange looking Rose. She approached him with feigned familiarity. He held her back with his screwdriver, and she hesitated, trying to figure out what to say that could convince him that she was his Rose. But nothing came to mind – they didn’t have access to enough memories.

So the fish monsters revealed themselves from just behind “Rose.” They said something about a vibrating device the Doctor had on his back. The Doctor started shaking, and the book that the other Doctor gave him flew from behind his coat and fell to the floor. It was a diary – the Doctor’s diary. With that, the fish monsters would have full access to the Doctor’s past, and this current Doctor’s future since it came from that other Doctor, who happened to be a future regeneration.

The Doctor retrieved the diary and skimmed through it. He flipped to the back to see what was going to happen, and to see if Rose had survived. As he flipped through more pages, we saw sketches of other regenerations. Whatever he saw made sense to him, but just looked a confusing mess to us.

Don’t know if what he saw was satisfactory, or if he was able to defeat the fish monsters, because I woke up.

My Thoughts

Sorry this dream might be kind of confusing. I just c/p'd from what I typed out quickly soon after I woke up. I will go back through and edit things so it makes more sense. Very awesome to have a Dr.Who dream though. Of course, David Tennant was my Doctor, and Rose was played by Billie Piper.

Also, the fish monsters were based off of a sketch I can still see in my memory, but can't seem to find the picture. Found this that is similar though.

April 5, 2011

The Dream
In Hawaii? Or just at a beach. Sitting with Emily on my left and Yubo on my right. She brought up something he said to her that had embarrassed her. He got up and walked around to her to repeat what he said. When I turned to look, he was sitting behind he with his arms around her, whispering into the back of her neck. I got up and stormed into the water. Someone called after me. I sat in the water and let the small waves crash into me. Then I realized I was just in my bikini bottoms, no top.

Then we were at home, but they were in bed cuddling. I went into the bathroom to try to get away from it. Yubo knocked, asking if what he was holding were my pants. She said, "Hey!" from the bed, in playful objection. I called out that it didn't matter, as long as they both stayed fully clothed.

When I came out, they were snuggling again. I repeated that as long as they stayed clothed, I was ok. I walked to my side, grabbed a pillow, and "offered" it to her by throwing it in her face. As I walked past the foot of the bed, I couldn't take it. I grabbed the bottom of the blanket and pulled, begging them to stop.

I asked Yubo why he would choose her over me. Then I noticed myself, and said, "This is why." And he nodded.

At Emily, I said, "I have known him for so many years. We've loved each other all this time. And then you come along, and he turns his head. When I look at you, I see everything that's better than I am." ...or something like that.

There were some nonsensical bits in there that I don't remember clearly enough to write down.

My Thoughts
I woke up with a tight chest, and it was difficult to breathe. When I finally calmed down a bit, I rolled over and placed my hand on Yubo's cheek. I was fine until he woke up and looked at me. Then I just started crying. Why am I having these dreams? And why is it her??

If you read that previous dream, you might be able to imagine some understanding of my reaction when waking up. This dream didn't have anything funny, and there was no happy ending.

It's easy to figure out that the lack of a bikini top indicated my feeling of vulnerability.

During the scene of what happened at "home," I had a flash of what really happened between me and J. I think I even wanted to mention that in the dream, but it never happened.

When I think about the next part -- asking Yubo why he would choose her over me, and then realizing myself -- I get scared. I still have a lot of fears of Yubo really wanting to leave me because of the way I am and the way I act. In the dream, I was throwing a tantrum. I noticed myself as soon as the question left my lips. He'd finally had enough of me... of my stupidity, my childishness, my selfishness.... and he wanted absolutely nothing more to do with me. I'd like to say that I'm much more confident about us irl than in my dreams, but that uncertainty definitely creeps up more than I would care for.

And residual discomfort from that last dream -- I still have no idea why it's her. Not to sound mean in any way, but in my consciousness, what I said to her at the very end of the dream is not true at all. It's not that I think I'm better than she is, or that she's better than I am -- we're two very different people. However, I do know that for some reason, I really do catch myself comparing myself to her. It's like a silent competition that only I am participating in.

In general, I am very confused about what I feel towards her. And I feel like I can't talk to her about this until I can get a better handle on it -- at least enough to better articulate what I'm feeling. I can't bring something up that's so open-ended and may most likely cause an ongoing awkwardness until we can figure out how to resolve it. Why not? I don't know. I just can't. Even with Yubo, I usually won't bring up an issue unless I already have at least some idea of a possible solution to the situation. I suppose I think it's unfair to simply present an issue on its own without already starting that next step towards resolution.

Anyway, it's dreams like this and the other one that make me really wish I knew some sort of dream interpreter.

January 31, 2011

The Dream
Dreamt Archie was in Hawaii. Was with other people watching a news show or something they kept showing this one building that looked like justice scales, but there was also the Space Needle. Then someone spotted a weird figure in the water, and I was excited to see that it was Archie getting ready to wake board. Then the scene zoomed to where she really was.

She was just getting pulled back in because the waters were getting too rough. So she said that she would arrange all the neat things she got. Then I was sitting across from her on the boat. As we pulled away from a dock, a cute white guy was asking how he would find her again. The captain of the boat was really cute too, and I commented that she has cute boys chasing after her everywhere she goes.

When we got to land, we were suddenly on a bus. A girl was talking to her - something about being licensed to drive in two states. Archie said she was also, and that her other location was Francisco. Then the lady mistook her for a well-known dance instructor, saying she had taken a class at her studio. It seemed to be a common mistake because both of us just laughed a bit, but didn't correct her.

It turned into something awkward, and Archie wrote a fake check for $1000 to donate to this girl's studio, but waited long enough that the girl wasn't around to give the check too.

A friend of that girl caught us, and Archie had to reveal the truth. However, her proof was showing these two large calendars. One was completely blank, and the other was full of all the activities she had planned for her trip.

Then for some reason, she had tinsel and those thick things you use to decorate Xmas trees up on a black board on the wall. (we're still outside). A group of people passing by started giving her ideas for what she was doing. Then someone had taken the tinsel and stuff down. Archie and some people from that group were drawing a section of the night sky on that black board. When they were done, no one could find the tinsel stuff to put back up.

Then Archie looked through a door to her right, got this excited look on her face, put on a chipmunk head and walked through the doors. I knew exactly what was going on - there was a sold out show that we had gotten Bryan tickets for, and she spotted him in one of the rows near the front. It had been so long since we saw him, and we felt like crying.

We walked in nonchalantly to sit a few rows in front of him. He didn't notice. When the show was done, I turned to him and said that it was such a great show. He was in shock, and we all had a little reunion.

Then, it turned out that the show was sponsored by Ellen and Portia. For whatever reason, they both came out and spent extra time with our group, but especially Bryan.

My Thoughts
Another Hawaii dream... sort of. I do love when my dreams have cinematic effects, though. I told this dream to Archie, and she was entertained, enjoying that she leads such a fabulous and exciting life in my dreams. IRL, I tell her that I live vicariously through her, which I still kind of do. Compared to my life, hers is much more entertaining and exciting. I love her stories of random encounters and situations she finds herself in.

Just a note: I don't remember too clearly since this was logged so long ago, but I want to say that my typing "Francisco" instead of "San Francisco" was not a typo. I think they actually just simply called it "Francisco" in my dream. Either way, I suppose that doesn't really matter.