The Dream
We were packing to go to... SYTE camp, I think it was. But this was happening down in Cali and I was packing out of my parents' house. There was a wedding that we were supposed to be at, and I didn't have anything formal, so I went through my mom's stuff to see if I could find anything that could fit me. Apparently I also had a stash of old dresses that I didn't bring up to WA.
I found a black dress that seemed to fit well, and had to rummage through my mom's shoes to find something to match. Instead of packing the dress, I just wore it. I guess we were going to the campsite to get settled and then straight to the wedding. I looked dumb in a fancy dress with my hair not done and no makeup on, but there wasn't anything I could do about it. At one point I was trying to curl my hair with a warm unplugged straightener on the front porch before we left.
When I was running around outside trying to figure some stuff out, I found myself in a white dress, very similar to what I wore for the WA reception, except it had a layer of white chiffon sewn over the skirt. I enjoyed the added movement the chiffon gave the skirt, and was running and doing very beginner leaps (legs not straight, and not very open).
Then I went back to fuss over shoes. When I finally settled on something and went towards the car, it left without me. There was another car still there, but I went back inside the house.
I was upstairs, and my dad was talking to the rest of the family downstairs. He said loud enough for me to hear something about how he's waiting for this family to be split because of different beliefs. Something came up about being a hypocrite. I told him that I really wanted to talk to him about hypocrisy, and he said he wanted to talk about... something strange that I didn't hear very well.
I went downstairs. Something was making my mom feel unwell, so we used that as an excuse to not go to the wedding. I guess we all didn't want to go in the first place. I think we all forgot about SYTE camp. So we sat on the couches and watched a movie.
My sister and I were sitting on either side of my dad, and he was happy to be surrounded by his daughters. Zenia was sitting next to my sister, and my mom had the loveseat to herself.
I wanted to talk to my dad about Christianity, but Zenia asked me a question before I could start. It was something about which song from which band was more hardcore or something weird like that. I guess they were talking about music before I sat down with them. I told them my opinion, and Zenia pointed out that my mom liked the song that I said was more hardcore, and we thought it was funny that my mom would listen to music like that.
Don't remember what happened then, but at some point it lead to talking about Christianity, and Zenia kept asking a bunch of questions and actually was being very hostile about the topic. My sister was actually trying to get her to calm down because she didn't like how Zenia was talking to me. But I took it well, and did my best to answer her questions. However, if I took to long thinking on how to answer a question, she jumped at the chance to say bad things about Christianity (I suppose because she didn't want to say anything bad about me directly...?). My dad leaned forward so that we were talking behind him as he tried to go back to watching the movie.
I think I left the dream as I was trying to explain how I could listen to... Linkin Park... or something like that.
My Thoughts
I'm not sure what to say about the wedding and SYTE camp, so I'll skip that stuff.
I really want to share my faith with my family, but I've been so scared about it. My mom has been fine with me talking about it, but I don't think she's really listening to me. I think she's just been humoring me a bit. My sister can get a little defensive, but we've never really had a good setting to talk. Over the phone is not good, and she's always very busy when I visit. I know she has the ability to listen to me openly, but I'm not sure if she wants to at this point. And my dad is a whole other thing. When I brought up that I was interested in Christianity (before I became a Christian), he didn't seem to like the idea very much. But he lets me think for myself. Overall, I think I really am a little scared to try and share my faith with my family. It's another thing that I can't seem to completely trust God with (which is dumb, I know). With my grandparents aging, their memory slipping, and my grandmother's condition getting worse, I want them to go to heaven. I pray for them from time to time, but perhaps that should be higher up on my prayer list that I should pray daily.
I think Zenia is the antagonist in this dream because I'm confused about how I feel about her.
I went from not caring that my sister is a lesbian to being torn about it. The rough start my sister had with Z already gave me a bad impression, so I didn't like her at all at the beginning. However, I have to recognize that my sister is now the happiest I've ever seen her, she's clean from drugs, she doesn't seem to get drunk quite so often, and as far as I know, she no longer smokes. Z's tough love has really straightened her out.
But Z's strong personality can clash with mine sometimes. It's like how I am with Joe, Yubo's best friend. With both of them, I can appreciate how brashly honest they are, but it can still rub me wrong.
I suppose where I stand now with my sister's relationship with Z is that I recognize it as love and not lust. I also recognize that there are many homosexual relationships that are strong and full of love and not dirty in the least. I also recognize that there are some straight relationships that are horrible and full of sin. So I seem to have my certainty in case by case situations, and what keeps me confused is where I am completely.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
September 14, 2010
The Dream
Something about having to get girls to stop giving Yubo attention, but I was telling them sternly that I was his fiancée.
Then I had to go to school for some meetings and a test. I had two meetings scheduled at 4:30, so I was trying to figure out which I should really go to. They were the student counsel and peer counseling. I ended up deciding to go to the PC meeting.
I think I took my test first. I ended up on the bottom of a bunk bed. It had a sheer white curtain for privacy. I later found out that it actually had wood panels for more secure privacy, but there wasn't a way to get more light with the panels closed.
I took the test, but near the end of it I realized that I skipped a lot of questions on the first page, so it took me even longer to finish.
I don't recall finishing the test, but then I was out in the hallway with some friends gathering my stuff for the PC meeting. We we're talking a out Johnny, and how he was doing great with his martial arts. I said something about how it was good martial arts but bad acting. Then it was a very TV "he's behind me, isn't he?" moment. I gave him a hug and asked if he was mad at me. He said a little, and I explained that I thought he just needed to take a few more acting classes.
We went off to the meeting as we were all late already. The teacher-adviser was going over things that we needed for the meeting, asking some people why they brought so many unnecessary things.
As we made our way to empty seats, there was a girl that was very excited to see Johnny. We were sort of introducing ourselves to some people around us, and I mentioned that I was Johnny's girlfriend. That girl was very quick to say that we had already broken up. I said, "Why do you have to be so quick to say it? Will you ever let me say it myself? It's nice that there's a girl like you that loves him so much, but seriously..."
Then I sat down at another table and we were reading a Chinese picture book that had English translations. I think it was Po sitting next to me. She told me in Mandarin that she would help me, and I thanked her in Mandarin, though pointing out that I only understood 3/4 of what she said.
I think I woke up shortly after that exchange.
My Thoughts
This was the second or third time I've dreamt about other girls trying to get Yubo's attention, and giving him way too much attention. I didn't post anything because they were little snippets. This particular one was interesting since I told them I was his fiancée and not his wife. I mentioned this part of the dream to my pastor, and told him that I think the fiancée part was because I probably don't feel as secure in our marriage as I should.
The rest of the dream, I don't even know. The peer counseling probably came up because I was talking to Carol about our high school PC days, reminiscing on how unhelpful the group really was. Actually, that whole part of the dream was probably just a huge throw back to high school. I remember thinking it was really funny that my bully wrote me a "love note" about how Johnny should dump me, even though we had already been broken up for a while. It was difficult to see other girls so interested in him, but it wasn't a surprise to me.
That's probably the trend between the two parts of the dream: other girls taking interest in "my guy."
There isn't anything that's happened recently for me to be so concerned with Yubo aside from my own insecurity. He did ask me one night what I would do if he became a pop icon, and I told him my security would plummet. I wouldn't want to see him surrounded and adored by all these other girls because I would feel he'd be able to find someone better than me amongst the horde.
As I was telling him this, my reaction to my own words was a little unusual... I was a little more frightened and emotional about it than I should have been. I was glad that it was right before bed. I just rolled over and tried to sleep.
Something about having to get girls to stop giving Yubo attention, but I was telling them sternly that I was his fiancée.
Then I had to go to school for some meetings and a test. I had two meetings scheduled at 4:30, so I was trying to figure out which I should really go to. They were the student counsel and peer counseling. I ended up deciding to go to the PC meeting.
I think I took my test first. I ended up on the bottom of a bunk bed. It had a sheer white curtain for privacy. I later found out that it actually had wood panels for more secure privacy, but there wasn't a way to get more light with the panels closed.
I took the test, but near the end of it I realized that I skipped a lot of questions on the first page, so it took me even longer to finish.
I don't recall finishing the test, but then I was out in the hallway with some friends gathering my stuff for the PC meeting. We we're talking a out Johnny, and how he was doing great with his martial arts. I said something about how it was good martial arts but bad acting. Then it was a very TV "he's behind me, isn't he?" moment. I gave him a hug and asked if he was mad at me. He said a little, and I explained that I thought he just needed to take a few more acting classes.
We went off to the meeting as we were all late already. The teacher-adviser was going over things that we needed for the meeting, asking some people why they brought so many unnecessary things.
As we made our way to empty seats, there was a girl that was very excited to see Johnny. We were sort of introducing ourselves to some people around us, and I mentioned that I was Johnny's girlfriend. That girl was very quick to say that we had already broken up. I said, "Why do you have to be so quick to say it? Will you ever let me say it myself? It's nice that there's a girl like you that loves him so much, but seriously..."
Then I sat down at another table and we were reading a Chinese picture book that had English translations. I think it was Po sitting next to me. She told me in Mandarin that she would help me, and I thanked her in Mandarin, though pointing out that I only understood 3/4 of what she said.
I think I woke up shortly after that exchange.
My Thoughts
This was the second or third time I've dreamt about other girls trying to get Yubo's attention, and giving him way too much attention. I didn't post anything because they were little snippets. This particular one was interesting since I told them I was his fiancée and not his wife. I mentioned this part of the dream to my pastor, and told him that I think the fiancée part was because I probably don't feel as secure in our marriage as I should.
The rest of the dream, I don't even know. The peer counseling probably came up because I was talking to Carol about our high school PC days, reminiscing on how unhelpful the group really was. Actually, that whole part of the dream was probably just a huge throw back to high school. I remember thinking it was really funny that my bully wrote me a "love note" about how Johnny should dump me, even though we had already been broken up for a while. It was difficult to see other girls so interested in him, but it wasn't a surprise to me.
That's probably the trend between the two parts of the dream: other girls taking interest in "my guy."
There isn't anything that's happened recently for me to be so concerned with Yubo aside from my own insecurity. He did ask me one night what I would do if he became a pop icon, and I told him my security would plummet. I wouldn't want to see him surrounded and adored by all these other girls because I would feel he'd be able to find someone better than me amongst the horde.
As I was telling him this, my reaction to my own words was a little unusual... I was a little more frightened and emotional about it than I should have been. I was glad that it was right before bed. I just rolled over and tried to sleep.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
September 11, 2010
The Dream
At Keppel, but the hallways were much larger, more like the halls of a mall. It was the end of the school year, my final year, and I had to clean out my lockers. Yeah... plural. I had three. But I could only remember the combination for one. There was a rough looking guy sitting right next to the bottom locker, the one I remembered the combo for. He kept glancing over, so as I turned the knob, I covered it with my palm so he couldn't see the numbers. I couldn't see the numbers either but just waited to feel it click, hoping I got the numbers right. I did, and it opened. I rifled through loose papers, and books with shopping bag and calendar covers that were decorated in my handwriting to identify which book was which. I ended up just reorganizing the locker, leaving everything in there.
Then I met up with a few people at the door leading to the east gate. This was where it was very spacious, like it was designed to allow people to wait and linger. It was either Yubo or Johnny that had his arms around me -- I think it might have been both, turning into each other throughout this part of the dream. As I cuddled up to him, I was on the phone with Wakko. Then the call cut out and it was Chung on the other line. It seemed they both wanted to see me off, so were trying to figure out where I was.
Everyone left and I was alone in a hallway that had cafeteria tables, although it was more like what you would see at a food court, with loose chairs. I was sitting at a table minding my own business. Some sort of mecha anime club was meeting in a classroom not far from me. One person actually walked out of the room in a blue mecha suit, and upon seeing it, I thought it was entirely normal.
My Thoughts
Whenever I dream of having a boyfriend, it's usually either Yubo or Johnny. About half the time, the shift into each other like they did in this dream. Out of all my ex's to be in my dreams, I wonder why it's Johnny. Nothing against it. LoL. But even for a high school bf, I figured it would be Koji instead of Johnny. Well.... I do still have how long we were together engraved in my mind: 2 years, 3 months, 5 days. And he's been in my life the longest since we grew up together. And I could say he was nearly my first love.
I remember when we would rollerblade together around his house, I would get jealous when he paid my sister more attention. And I would have fantasies that our parents would arrange a marriage between us.
\(＾▽＾)/ Hahahahaha~! Ah... youth.
At Keppel, but the hallways were much larger, more like the halls of a mall. It was the end of the school year, my final year, and I had to clean out my lockers. Yeah... plural. I had three. But I could only remember the combination for one. There was a rough looking guy sitting right next to the bottom locker, the one I remembered the combo for. He kept glancing over, so as I turned the knob, I covered it with my palm so he couldn't see the numbers. I couldn't see the numbers either but just waited to feel it click, hoping I got the numbers right. I did, and it opened. I rifled through loose papers, and books with shopping bag and calendar covers that were decorated in my handwriting to identify which book was which. I ended up just reorganizing the locker, leaving everything in there.
Then I met up with a few people at the door leading to the east gate. This was where it was very spacious, like it was designed to allow people to wait and linger. It was either Yubo or Johnny that had his arms around me -- I think it might have been both, turning into each other throughout this part of the dream. As I cuddled up to him, I was on the phone with Wakko. Then the call cut out and it was Chung on the other line. It seemed they both wanted to see me off, so were trying to figure out where I was.
Everyone left and I was alone in a hallway that had cafeteria tables, although it was more like what you would see at a food court, with loose chairs. I was sitting at a table minding my own business. Some sort of mecha anime club was meeting in a classroom not far from me. One person actually walked out of the room in a blue mecha suit, and upon seeing it, I thought it was entirely normal.
My Thoughts
Whenever I dream of having a boyfriend, it's usually either Yubo or Johnny. About half the time, the shift into each other like they did in this dream. Out of all my ex's to be in my dreams, I wonder why it's Johnny. Nothing against it. LoL. But even for a high school bf, I figured it would be Koji instead of Johnny. Well.... I do still have how long we were together engraved in my mind: 2 years, 3 months, 5 days. And he's been in my life the longest since we grew up together. And I could say he was nearly my first love.
I remember when we would rollerblade together around his house, I would get jealous when he paid my sister more attention. And I would have fantasies that our parents would arrange a marriage between us.
\(＾▽＾)/ Hahahahaha~! Ah... youth.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
September 8, 2010
The Dream
- I was at M-1 (the old one since I haven't been in the new music room yet). It was time for choreo. Mr.A was working with the group outside. When it was time to go inside, I saw that there were only two boys holding yellow warning tape. I asked what happened. They said Mr.A got mad and a bunch of people left instead of staying for the rest of choreo. Suddenly I was inside, waiting for the boys to come in past the shelves. We had 6 basses left, and Mr.A was pleased that they stayed. Then we found that a number of others stayed, or came back, and we resumed rehearsal. At the end of rehearsal, I walked with Mr.A towards the teachers' lounge. I was confirming that he wanted me to chaperone Hawaii. He confirmed, and when I told the kids, they were all excited. But I realized that we were going in October (for the whole month, I think), and I would have classes, so I wondered how it would work out.
- I was married to my mom somehow. She wanted me to get pregnant. However, she only gave me two options. The first was to get pregnant by a duck. The second was to go to my dad. There was a lot of discussion before I realized that I was actually married to Yubo, so why didn't I get pregnant by him?
- It's been a while since I've had a choreo dream. This one even had a mention of tour. Two topics that come up frequently in my dreams, but never in the same dream. I really do wonder why I dream about choir, choreo and tour so often. Do I really miss it that much? I wasn't even thinking about it lately.
- WTH?? Pregnant by a duck or my dad. Ugh. What's going on in my head? That's just ridiculous, even if I lived on a farm in a middle state. Yeesh. At least I came to my senses by the end of the dream. Goodness gracious.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)