Mon, Jul. 31st, 2006, 04:09 am

 Yeah.. I'm up pretty damn early...

We actually went to sleep at around 2:30ish. I just woke up from a really disturbing dream a while ago. A while ago before this post because I was stuck in bed, sobbing... just racking sobs...
Neko will notice that I called his phone twice. When he didn't pick up, I called my sister, who picked up her phone and talked to me. I needed to hear another voice.
The reason I had to call someone was because Yubo wouldn't wake up.. and in his sleep, he actually pulled his arm away twice. So I gripped his arm.. so hard and so long that my hand started throbbing.. and I cried and cried... and all this time, he didn't wake up.
The moment I felt I could release him without breaking down even further, I rolled over as quick as I could and fumbled for my phone. Noticed the battery was about to die.. fished for my charger. While the phone charged, called Neko. When he didn't pick up, called the sissyter.
I'm sooo thankful that she picked up. Just hearing her voice, only half listening to what she was saying.. it calmed me, though what she was saying was a good distraction from what I was feeling. Changing topics from the dream. It was good.

So right now, I'm up with all the lights on, trying to calm myself further. Drinking my favorite Vitamin Water flavor: Revive.

I've never woken up so terrified of a dream, though I don't think it was the dream itself. I think it was Yubo not waking up and pulling away that actually set me off. I felt alone and scared out of my mind, and he was right there next to me.. but he wasn't there for me.
I was actually scared I was going to hyperventilate. I just couldn't calm down.
The fits are actually trying to start up again.. I feel little spurts of them, but I can breathe them off.

The dream was kinda about work at Fry's. But the role of Ramin was, for some reason, played by Memo (a guy I met in college). I was asking him to give me something to do, and he was about to turn the water hose on me. I charged at him, telling him to do it if he dared. So he dared, and he blasted me with water, but I stood my ground and I fought him. At one point, he was at my back with water blasting down on my head, and I was biting into.. that spot where your thumb turns into your first finger. The meat gave way, but the skin didn't break. Only then did I run away, and I had to prompt Yubo (who was there for whatever reason) to call the cops. I was able to give him the address we were at calmly, which I think was just our apartment address. I woke up soon after that.

The dream before that, we were at some party. A girl invited us to an orgy? But there was only one guy, and the hostess was having him all to herself. The rest of the women just played with themselves. There was one girl, white, blonde, kinda tall, that wasn't doing anything. So I asked her, in a friendly way, "What's up?" So she took me out of the room to talk with me privately.. confide in me something. We went to the back porch, and she told me something about her eyebrows...? We went back into the house, so I could find some light to see her in, but I couldn't find her. There were three entrances to the house, and for some reason, we took different entrances. I heard that she ran off, thinking that I deserted her and thought of her the way everyone else did. So I tried to track her down to tell her the truth. Got on bikes to follow her.. me and Yubo. I spotted her running out into a field. So we finally caught up to her, though Yubo didn't use the bike. And I told her the truth, and she felt better.
Then there was something about growing eggs? and lots of traveling by this blue bus. We were waiting for bus #690 (of course, I'm a pervert even in my dreams.. especially after a pseudo-orgy). There were some officials, a guy and a girl, at the bus stop too, and Yubo sat with them with a map to figure out which way to really go, cuz the directions we got were from some random local. So he sat and smoked with them, and went over the map. The guy actually took the cigarette from Yubo, even though it was almost done, and smoked from that, even though his partner's cig was only half done. ::shrugs::

Then the weirdo dream. Then the waking up, crying.

All of that in less than two hours of sleep.

I think I'm just gonna finish of this bottle of Vitamin Water before I go back to bed. I think by then I should be good to sleep again. I'll read Neko's journal as a bedtime story, since I didn't get to talk to him. Haha.

---
My Thoughts
As I was going through my dj to pull these dream entries, I was wondering where this dream was. So I'm probably missing some other dreams that I didn't label as dream entries in the title. Oh well.

I still remember this horrifying dream. It left such a... scar, I want to say. Again, it was mostly because I felt Yubo wasn't there for me when I really needed him. I was disgusted by what happened in the dream... it wasn't like I actually bit off any flesh into my mouth, but I really felt my teeth sink in.

It was a long time before I told Yubo what happened. I didn't want to make him feel bad since he wasn't at fault. I recall not really being able to put much effort into waking him. I was nearly paralyzed with fear, and all I could do was cry. I couldn't even say anything to try to wake him. I guess it hurt that even crying as loudly as I thought I was couldn't wake him.

And... yeah. Not much to say about that pseudo-orgy dream.

Tue, Jul. 24th, 2007, 01:33 pm

The Dream
Highlights of this dream that made it so upsetting:

I was messing around with a guy that seemed to be a combination of all my previous serious boyfriends. At the end of it, I remember feeling so much guilt. I even turned to the guy and cried and told him that I swore never to cheat on Yubo.

Some stuff happened here but I don't remember.

Yubo and I were in a store with our kids (o.o) and one set of our parents. In some random aisle we get into an argument. Starts off about him mad at me for some rude thing I said in the car on the way over to the store. I supposedly asked him with a lot of attitude, "Can you just stop the car now?" I asked him what I was supposed to say, and he said, "I don't know. Something like nicely asking where we're going??" In my head, I thought I can't tell him that I don't trust him with directions... or something like that. The argument escalates, and I yelled something back at him. Then he said, "Why are you yelling at me?!?" And I said, "I'm not yelling at you!" I tried to calm down and asked, "Can't I yell when I'm frustrated and upset?" or something like that. It went on, and I remember thinking that we shouldn't fight in front of the kids. But it got worse, and I slumped to the floor crying. Then something something.. and I told them all "Bye" and ran off. He said, bored, "See you later," assuming I'd actually be back.
So I ran out of the store and past the window where I thought they would see that I was actually running away.

Some really unimportant random stuff happened here while I was running.

Then super random stuff that usually happens in my dreams, this time involving some creature that was a combination of ET, Gollum, and a gremlin. o.0 Also something with Harry Potter with some sort of mullet and blue streaks in his hair.

Backstage of some Ynez auditorium, I was talking with some other people. The size of the backstage area was a lot bigger than it really is. Anyway, some girl was talking about love, and said something like, "Love doesn't lie." I laughed at her, and told her, "Love lies. If you believe it doesn't, then you've never really been in love before." She left in a huff, not wanting to believe me. She passed by this other girl on the way out who was sitting down, and she gave me this look that she understood just as well as I did about love. I watched the other girl as she left with a very sad feeling for her. I guess the second girl was telling the first girl about a situation, and the first girl was trying to tell her that wasn't love.. or something.

Anyway... so those three things left me with this awful feeling when I woke up: I cheated on him, I left him and our family, and I had that opinion of love.

---
My Thoughts
I think I really would be very devastated if I cheated on Yubo. I always joke that if I wanted to cheat on Yubo, I'd have to cheat on him with him. But that is true, to an extent. I feel I'm finally with the one I really wanted to be with all this time, so there's no need to cheat. Strange reasoning, but it makes sense to me.

The fight was interesting. There are a lot of times when I feel frustrated, but I'm usually the only one to raise my voice and break down. Because he shuts down when faced with conflict, sometimes I get the impression that he doesn't really care. And the running away, and his feeling like there's nothing to worry about because he "knows" I'll be back is very realistic. I don't know about those kids though... o.o;;

And when considering that, "Love lies," I would still agree with it. "Deception of the heart," I suppose. Or just blind love, and not in a good way.

Fri, Jun. 15th, 2007, 02:54 pm

The Dream
I had a rather unsettling dream this morning. Unsettling because there was so much emotion that when I woke up my chest felt really tight with it.

It started off normal enough... as normal as my random dreams go. Was at Ynez and going to class in one of the bungalows. I walked into the class and realized that I couldn't remember where I was supposed to sit. There were notes on the desks, but none of them had a name, so I couldn't figure out where to sit from that. Someone told me to ask my boyfriend, and maybe he would remember. So I went over to Johnny, and asked him where I was supposed to sit. Told him I couldn't remember if it was assigned seating, or if we could just sit anywhere. The teacher came in, and I panicked. But then an alarm sounded, and so we all rushed out of the classroom. A couple of us were suddenly in roller skates.. or like.. those roller shoes. We were helping get everyone to where they needed to go. We were supposed to go to section 3, or something. As we were all headed that way, I noticed where the smoke was coming from. We overheard a girl from another class saying something about another boy. I pushed Johnny away from me, and told him to go. With a nod, he skated back towards the smoke to probably save whatever boy that girl was talking about.
Finally got to section 3... and everyone just waited, or checked to make sure everyone else was okai. After a good while, a group of kids joined us. I guess they were the ones that were left behind or something. But they got to us, safe and sound. A lot of the other kids rushed to them and checked to see if they were okai. None of them were hurt. Until that moment, I didn't really feel anything. And then I saw Johnny skate up to some sort of wooden rail, and he was searching for me. I was staring at him the whole time with this overwhelming sense of relief that he was okai. He finally spotted me, and with a big smile, jumped over the rail and came to me. We embraced, and I cried.. and then he whispered something like, "Will you come with me?" in my ear, and I just nodded.

The dream ended there. When I woke up, I felt like wiping tears from my face, but there weren't any. My chest was tight and it was a little hard to breath.

Really weird... I wonder if it means anything.

---
My Thoughts
To be honest, the relationship I had with Johnny wasn't the greatest. We were young -- 7th, 8th, and a little bit of 9th grade -- and didn't know what we were doing. Everyone thought we were going to be great because we were childhood friends. But he was the first significant romantic relationship in my life, so that's probably why he often returns as my boyfriend in my dreams.

Mon, Feb. 12th, 2007, 01:56 pm

Dumbest dream ever...

...but it made me feel wretched and I couldn't stop crying. I don't remember all of it, because when I woke up I tried really hard not to think about it so I could stop crying. So here's my best recap:

There was this race, or something. One of the parties cheated, and so I took it upon myself to punish them. Something about cheese. I took their stack of sliced cheddar cheese. I went up a bunch of stairs, clearing the path of things that would stop the fall, but keeping the things that would add more damage, like rocks. The stairs were those ones where you step up, then walk a little bit before you get to the next step up. And it curved.
Anyway, the family of the cheese kept putting stuff in the way, and I kept yelling at them to move it to the side. Finally I got to where I wanted to start. I looked down, and the stairs went down and curved to the left. I split the stack of cheese in half, and threw one half down. It rolled pretty well, and hit a good amount of stuff, good damage, until it got to the curve. It kept going straight, and fell off the stairs. I started laughing, saying that was a decent amount of damage. But it had to get to the bottom of the stairs so that the family could learn their lesson, or something. So I threw the other half down. That one almost made it to the bottom, but again, fell off the side. It really wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I was supposed to do.
As I walked down the stairs, everyone was cheering and laughing. But I walked over to the tent where the family was set up. It was a cheesey twisty snack tent. There were two kids standing at the entrance to the tent. They were short and blonde. They looked really sad.. for me. Then they went inside. The mother came around the side. She was big, and her hair looked like cheesey twisty snacks, tied up on either side of her head. I started to apologize to her, but she stopped me. She asked if she could just write it out, and I told her it wouldn't be hard enough for me to read it than it would be to hear it from her now. But she walked off. The dad came by and I started apologizing to him, but he stopped me too. Then he started talking about the family. Like, the cheese would've been Angelo. It would've been born as a boy in the family.
I started crying, and kept apologizing. Then they brought out pictures, but they were on a big sheet, perforated, so each one could be torn off. They were telling me who was in each picture. "This is -so-and-so-, on my side," the mother would say, "and her -something- will be your brother." And on like that, showing me who would be my brother. And I kept crying. I felt so bad.

I think that's where I woke up. I wasn't crying as hard as I was in the dream, but I was gasping air like I was.

Anyway.. yeah. Dumbest dream ever, but it made me cry. ::shrugs::

---
My Thoughts
I have absolutely no idea..... 

Sat, Jan. 20th, 2007, 12:26 pm

The Dream
Huge room with tons of people. We were all sitting in chairs, girls facing guys, but kinda set in a circle. Girls were drawing names out of a hat. This was supposed to be the guy we would go on a date with. I drew one, but the girl holding the hat gave me another crumpled piece of paper... like a second choice, or something. And she just smiled knowingly at me. I opened up the paper from the hat, and it had a boy's name, then the name of the girl he was hoping to be with. It wasn't me, and I wasn't interested in the guy anyway. The crumpled up paper was Pochin, and it said he wanted to be with me. The girls next to me asked why I got two, and I told them the crumpled one was just a note from someone.
Then we were at a supermarket. Like a glorified Rite Aid, actually. I was in one of my sleeping gowns (that Yubo calls a muumuu), and everyone else was is pretty dresses or skirts. I felt ugly. Whatever girlfriend I was with said I looked fine. So we went into the store, and they had closed it just for us. Then I realized that I only brought a travel hair brush, and lip gloss, and maybe my wallet (I don't remember). For whatever reason, I forgot my purse, but I didn't go back to the car. All the girls waited in a semi-circle around the front doors. And the guys would come in, and pick the girl they wanted, and then they'd go off. I was hoping to get Pochin, so each guy that came through, I prayed he wouldn't pick me. Then Wakko comes running through the door with a big smile on his face and he grabs me around the waist and spins me. I can't help but smile, even though I'm a little disappointed that it wasn't Pochin. But I was still happy with Wakko because he's such a good friend. He said he picked me because he can't dance well but I would understand. So we danced up this big ramp in a psycho version of a waltz, but we were having tons of fun. By the time we got to the landing at the top of the ramp, we were suddenly Sakura and Syaoran. o.0???
And the rest of the dream was uneventful. Something about renting a bag to put my stuff in.

---
My Thoughts
I will admit that my attraction to Pochin is the farthest I've ever gone in the way of "cradle robbing," even though we never dated. He is quite the stud, so it's no surprise to me to have him in a dream in this way.

Dreaming about Wakko is an interesting thing to read about -- I mean, I don't particularly remember this dream at all. Wakko (the nickname came from Animaniacs in 4th grade and it stuck -- he still calls me Dot, and we do have a Yakko) and I have never made any deep connections in our friendship. We never confided in each other about anything, but knew that we would always be there for each other in a sibling kind of way.

What's funny is that in the dream he said he couldn't dance, but he was on dance team senior year in high school and did pretty well. Reading about this dream makes me wish we did connect on a deeper level, but I don't really regret anything. I know that we still maintain our sibling-ish friendship despite being so disconnected now.

And I love how cosplay still has to creep into my dream somehow. LoL.

Thu, Jan. 18th, 2007, 02:18 pm

The Dream
A bunch of us were on the front lawn of some big college place. Looked like the front lawn of Keppel, but slightly different. Anyway, there was a big gathering of all our friends.. er.. all other people's friends because I didn't know most of them... and I was walking around with Annie Tse and Leeroy, talking about some issues Annie was having and trying to give her advice. So we walked around to a hallway or something, and someone was calling Annie and she tried to ignore it, but eventually turned around. This person, forgot who it was, told Annie that she had to go do an interview for some newspaper. So Leeroy and I teased her about being all popular and important. She ran off to the interview, and we kept walking. Our hands brushed, and I actually took his hand. My hand was on top though. I note it because that's weird to me. I never do that with a guy. Anyway, took his hand. Thought it'd be okai since I consider him a brother. We walked through these glass double-doors and the floor was really slippery for some reason. People were slipping and falling, or skating and having fun. I slipped a little bit, but Leeroy kept my hand and held me up. Then we skated through. Some frat boys, friends of his, started teasing him about me. He tried to get me to spin and have fun (with one hand gripping mine and the other trying to lift me from my butt o.0;;), but we were already on regular floor. We kept walking through this lounge place, and I wrapped his arms around my waist as we walked through the door that lead outside. I kept thinking it would've been nice if I didn't consider him a brother.
We walked back to our group and let go of each other. I think in the dream, I was still with Johnny, and I didn't want him to see me in Leeroy's arm. When we got there, a lot of people were gone. I asked why they couldn't compress closer to the door so we wouldn't have had to walk so far. Wakko said something about them trying but it didn't work. Then I saw a line of girls, 7 or 9 of them. Half were dressed in white fabric all twisted up like college attempts at Greek fashion, and the other half in Tahitian grass skirts that came up to their armpits and huge banana leaf headdresses. They were attempting a Tahitian dance in front of a long line of other women. I spotted my sister as one of the "Greek" ones. They started shaking their hips, and I told the people around me how hard that really is. Then the long line of girls started chasing the 7 or 9 pledges, and I sighed disapprovingly that my sister was trying out for a sorority again. I noted that she never met good people in those things.
I believe I woke up after that, feeling rather confused.

---
My Thoughts
I don't know if I've had Leeroy in a dream before this, but just in case, I'll clarify who he is. His real name is Jeff, and I do consider him a godbrother of sorts. We were really close towards the end of high school, but don't really make much effort to keep in touch nowadays.

I also don't think my sister was ever in a sorority. Maybe she was in Shoshoni in high school???? I don't know if that's true. As far as I know, she never did that kind of stuff outside being in show choir.

Thu, Nov. 30th, 2006, 11:39 am

The Dream
Mi-chan was over, just hanging out. Somehow, I was lying back on my bed, and she was resting on top of me, but she was my cat. And I thought it was really cute so I tried to take a picture of it. Then she wanted a more "exciting" picture, so she opened her mouth and stuck her tongue out towards me. I laughed, and did the same, but then our tongues touched and she freaked out. Then started explaining something about how she didn't know why she did that something something wanted attention. I told her something about how I understood.. something something.. Asian families tend to make you like that unless your parents are totally white-washed... like the Noboris. o.0 But I guess they kinda are.. ^^;;
So we got up to leave the apartment. I was saying something about the snow, but it was raining hard instead. But the rain was warm. And it was falling horizontally.. er.. so I guess it wasn't falling... But I said something like, "It's like Hawaii rain. I love Hawaii rain!" because of it being warm. And I held my hand up like you do to let someone punch it, and the rain was hitting my hand, but not really my face. I wanted to get my camera to take a picture, so I tried running back to the apartment, but there were a bunch of potholes everywhere that filled with water and mud. I kept slipping, and realized that we'd gone farther away from the house than I'd thought. Suddenly there was a visible gust of wind, and I had to brace myself against a fence. A big whoosh of water flowed towards us, but when it got to us, it wasn't so bad. I did climb the fence a bit, though, because I saw more coming. When you looked towards the horizon, waves rose up and up. They came crashing down like at the beach, except the water actually flowed around us and stayed. It didn't really draw back. I was looking out over the water, clinging to the fence, screaming her name. I couldn't see her. The bag she was carrying with her stuff in it was floating around, all the contents scattered in the water. For some reason, the Tofu plushie I got that I put the 'S' hat on (my mom sent me a cap with an 'S' on the front to give to Yubo) floated over to me. I grabbed it, and all the other stuff floated to me. I grabbed the big bag she was carrying and tried to stuff everything back in. Then I saw her head break surface, and I kept screaming for her. I kept thinking I wanted to jump in and save her, but I knew I couldn't swim. And then I think the dream ended.

Then I was just sitting around before I was transported to another world.. parallel or something. It was me and three others. We had to complete a mission or we couldn't get out. We found a place that had our names on the mail box, so we figured this was the living arrangement set up for us. I remember catching a glimpse of a display case that had a poster of school dates and my name on it.. it was like my schedule of classes that I was supposed to take.. to go to school in this world and pretend like we belonged. We rushed up to find our room, but for some reason, no one cared to look at what number our room was.. just that it was in this building. So we went up three flights, didn't see anything promising, went down a flight and went through a door. It led into a library, and we met up with a bunch of people. We sat there and chatted at a lounge area.. couches and a coffee table.. and the couches were filled with people sitting shoulder to shoulder. Then someone brought out some demo CDs of their band or something, and passed them out. Then a small group of girls came up and brought out their demo CD to pass out, though it was $.80. Everyone was jumping over themselves and yelling to try to get one. I hushed them, reminding them that we were in a library. I could hear the murmurs of how we were disrupting the work at other tables. Yubo grabbed one, and said he paid for it already. For some reason I was bothered that he bought something like this without passing it by me first, but I gave in and bought my own. I dug into my wallet and fished out a bunch of dimes, and for some reason, it was hard to count out 8. I had to do it a couple of times, but finally managed.
When they left with their money collected, us at the table started talking again. Something about Mary Kay, and that other than me, there were two more that the group knew. So everyone was kinda torn between who to go to for their MK needs. Although the group didn't know I was a consultant until I told them.
And I don't remember much after that.

---
My Thoughts
I suspect the Mi-chan in this dream is my friend Lisa, and not Yubo's younger cousin. I seem to also have a few very memorable flood dreams, although this isn't one of them.

Wed, Oct. 4th, 2006, 10:57 am

The Dream
I dreamt that I was at this house with Neko and a bunch of other people, though I don't remember who everyone else was. I think Akemi was in there somewhere. I think people were playing games, and we were all talking, and then Neko started being a real jerk to me. So I got up to leave. When I opened the front door, it was massive down-pour. I couldn't see two inches away, the rain was coming down that hard. But being stubborn, I flipped up my hood and walked out into the rain anyway. For whatever reason, Akemi followed me. I was walking slowly, but she was power-walking and running to try to get out of the rain. Then we were walking past police officers and random people. Some people had died. To my right, it looked like there was a big fire. I ran to catch up with Akemi, but not let her know I was trying to catch up to her. I followed her closely now because I didn't want anything bad to happen to her. After that, I ended up at my cousins' house or something, but it was this huge mansion. There was a little intercom thing at the door. That was neat. So then my cousin Darren came to open the door. Went in, and asked him where my cousin Linda was. I heard video games being played in some of the other rooms. There were a lot of rooms. o.o;; And in one of them, I found Neko again. And he was still being a jerk to me. And he was searching this site or something to find a scene from a game that he liked, cuz he wanted to save it for some reason. So he found a bunch of scenes, and finally settled on this scene with Yuffie in it, but it wasn't Yuffie, and it SO wasn't FF. ::shrugs::
And after that, I don't really remember anything.

o.0;;

I remembered something. At the end of the dream.. or maybe a different dream because I woke up and went back to sleep several times..

Oh! I think it was another dream. Even though Neko was being a jerk, we went out to some shopping place. We were with a bunch of other people though. I found my parents' jewelry store (o.o?), and went to my mom for comfort. Suddenly, everyone decided to leave. And somewhere near the end of it, I remember looking at a picture of Akemi, which was awkwardly on this flyer with some random ads on it, and crying really hard as I told her (the picture), "I love you so much", or something to that effect.

k. I think that was it.

---
My Thoughts
I dunno... maybe I was in a place where I expected every guy that I care about to be a jerk to me? And I wonder if my crying over Akemi's picture was reminiscent of  how I cried over the card she wrote me when I moved up here.

Sun, Sep. 3rd, 2006, 12:57 pm

The Dream
Dream 1: Ants that couldn't be killed were taking over my home.

Dream 2: Archie became my lesbian lover. o.0

---
My Thoughts
Thankfully, ants don't really bother me that much. Even though they swarm (?), they're fairly easy to get rid of. Maybe this dream was feeling bad for trapping ants with tape. At one house, we had a few ant problems. When I saw an ant walking on my desk, instead of squishing it or anything, I put a piece of tape over it and left it there until I was ready to remove the tape and throw it away. No quick death.... they probably suffocated or something.

And I don't know about Archie being my lesbian lover. If we were actually lesbians, I don't think we would work out. I mean, we're great friends but I don't think we'd make it as lovers, even though she really is quite attractive. Just saying...

Tue, Aug. 29th, 2006, 12:22 pm

The Dream
Dream 1: Neko and I were making out.

Dream 2: Was working at an amusement park. There were too many people, so I had to help manage the line. Another worker set up a drink stand because it was REALLY hot. She called for the Pepsi guy, who was Ross. He drove up, and they set up the stand. I had to back up a portion of the line to this gate. Thankfully, people weren't very angry or anything. Then I got the 'ok' to bring the line up. They got to the drink stand and everyone went crazy trying to get water. Well, not crazy, but some people were holding up the line. So we took care of that by just asking them to keep moving. And I walked down the line to tell everyone that if they were going to share their cup with their group, to only have one person in line. So suddenly, instead of it being a line for the amusement park, it was a huge line for the drink stand. But nobody moved anyway. Still, I walked all the way down the line, pass the gate. And on the other side of the gate was this huge train-like thing, but it looked like those.. plant mascots? You know, when plants grow on a wire form, like in front of Toys'R'Us. Except instead of an animal, it was a huge train, and it actually moved on tracks.

Dream 3: Ricco, who used to work at Fry's with me, was really Rico Suave and used to rap with Vanilla Ice.

---
My Thoughts
I see that I also have a number of dreams involving working at an amusement park, even though I never have irl. I suppose it could be me trying to manage the chaos that is in my head. LoL. I actually really don't care for amusement parks: the crowds, the noise, the waiting in line for an hour for a 2 minute ride, the grossly inflated prices.

Thu, Aug. 17th, 2006, 01:42 pm

The Dream
I just woke up from a dream about a dance class and Neko. The dance class was at Fullerton. Most of the classes I dream about are there. It was a beginner ballet class. That instructor I saw that I didn't get a good impression of was there. She was leading us through ballet warm-ups that didn't make a whole lot of sense. I hung in the back of the class. I knew I would be good at it, though. Finally, I decided to go to the front line and join in. However, my form was HORRIBLE. And I was wondering what was wrong with me.
We went over the routine, which had nothing to do with ballet. The routine was pretty stupid, and for whatever reason, I couldn't remember it. Neither could anyone else in the class. Then we split the class and practiced in smaller groups. When my group wasn't up, I hung around the side of the class. Neko came up to me (but he actually wasn't Neko at the time). He wanted to practice on our own, and I thought he wanted to go over a basic swing step (so I think it was Eric? cuz I had him show me what he learned in a swing class once), so I started to, but instead, he took my other hand (the one that's held out, because the other was already on his shoulder) and put it around his neck. So we were kinda high-school-slow-dance position, but we were dancing kinda upbeat and smiling and laughing and having lots of fun.
Then he walked me out of the class to the wall to the left of the door. And he pressed me against the wall (what's with me and these scenarios??) and held me. Jessica, that short girl at Fullerton that was OCD about time and took a liking to me the first time we met, walked by and asked if Neko was my boyfriend. I told her, "No, my boyfriend's at work right now" or something like that. And she tsk'ed us, and mimed pulling us apart. But then she left, and we held each other closer, and I wanted to kiss his neck, but I can't remember if I actually did.
Suddenly I was back in the class and we were being tested on the routine. Instead of taking it seriously, most of us just improv'ed it because no one knew what the hell they were doing.
So there was that one.

I've been having a few dreams about parking structures. Different scenarios for why I'm there, but the parking structures are pretty much always the same. And it's usually just me trying to either find parking, or trying to drive out. And it's always really cramped and windy, and it's quite a task just to get down to the exit.

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My Thoughts
Um.... I honestly don't really have any thoughts or insight about this one. I really do hate not being able to do in dreams what I know I can do irl, though. This goes along with all the dreams of not knowing my lines, not remembering the song, and this not being able to dance.

And I can make a huge stretch about the parking structures representing some sort of feeling of confinement and my inability to escape........ perhaps.

Sun, Jul. 30th, 2006, 11:23 am

The Dream
I was online chatting with Neko, and he IMed me that he found an entry that Lana had posted. Sent me the link, and I went to her journal (even though I have no idea what her journal is, though I know she has one).
I only remember a few lines that I read:

"I hate her for taking away the trust we had with each other."

"I feel like she's a replacement to fill the space I left behind...."

"....because (or since??) I found a new boyfriend."

o.0?

I also had a dream about this toothbrush that soaks up the toothpaste from the bristles into the handle, so when you're brushing, you squeeze the handle to get more toothpaste onto the brush.

I think that's the second or third toothbrush dream I've ever had. I wonder what's up with that. LoL.

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My Thoughts
I think this was the beginning of the string of dreams I had that involved Neko. I'm not certain because my memory by time line isn't great, but perhaps it was around this time that things were getting especially tense with Yubo. Through that tension, I started developing feelings for Neko who was there supporting me even though we were so far away from each other. It's a dangerous thing to be attracted to a long-time friend in the midst of an unhealthy relationship.

I think this dream represented how I really wanted to help fill any void in Neko's life. I dunno... two friends deeply hurt by the ones they loved turn to each other for comfort, or some dime store novel plot like that. Not to say that our attraction to each other was cheap and cheesy, but more that the emotions I remember from the dream were quite so.

October 6, 2010

The Dream
Hanging out with some friends, and I got a text about an event going on in a park. I thought it'd be fun to go, so we started off. My mom called me, and I ended up talking to her for quite some time just trying to explain to her that I was with friends on my way to a park to play games and watch fireworks. "It's like the Barnes Park fair," or something like that so she could better understand why we were going to a park.

We were walking instead of driving for some reason. I really wanted to get off the phone with my mom so I could find the address to figure out where we were going. We were still just walking without having any direction. My mom said she had to call me back. I took that opportunity to find the text and show Yubo so he could put it into the maps thingie on his iPhone so we could find out if we were really going the right way.

He was taking so long, even though I told him he had to hurry before my mom called back. He still just took his sweet time, and I was getting really frustrated. Then I saw that it didn't seem like anyone really cared to go to the park in the first place. Yubo and I started to argue. Something happened and we got to where he was about to delete his number from my phone. He just needed to confirm the delete when I grabbed my phone and started running away. (I didn't know that he didn't actually delete it yet)

He started running after me, and I thought I'd get caught easily because he runs faster than I do. But I kept on. He caught me shortly afterward, and I started really fighting with him to get him to let me go. Then our friends caught up and they were trying to keep me from running away. I was so angry, and kept fighting them off. From an outside perspective I was sure it looked like they were trying to molest/rape me, so I tried to use that to get them to leave me alone.

I don't know if it really worked, but suddenly I was pretty far away from them. I was just walking now, but found myself in a really shady area. I got a text from an unknown number that I assumed was either Carol or Neko. Whoever it was sent me pictures of them and me together (but I still couldn't tell who it was because they were super close the the camera with me in the background). Then there were pictures of a homeless community of cosplayers. Then there was an encounter with a bad cop. Something like he saw my knife in my pocket and wanted to make sure it was legal size (?), but he used that to try to do bad things to me. While I was trying to be obedient, keeping my hands on my head or behind my back (we only got as far as him taking off my belt with him trying to aggravate me so he could be more forceful), I was hoping that Yubo was still following me so he could get this cop away from me.

Don't know how that ended because I was suddenly at home. I went upstairs to my parents' room where there were unopened gift boxes from the wedding. I decided to go through them, even though I was so upset with Yubo. I guess this was happening very soon after the wedding.

I found this really sexy slip, and a bunch of thongs and lacy undies that were waaaaay too small. Then Yubo called me, and was asking me to raise my hand and say, "High five." He was trying to trick me to see if I was where he was looking for me. I finally told him that I was at home if he really cared to find me.

I was wearing the slip and fussing with this bra that made me look bigger but ridiculously lopsided. Yubo was at the door with my mom. My mom wanted me to make up with him, but I kept refusing even though I really wanted to. I stayed upstairs, and was actually trying to look really sexy before I came down. But that darn bra just wasn't working so I gave up and just took everything off.

I overheard an uncle or something giving Yubo tips on how to get me back. Something about getting me into the pool because then I couldn't fight as much or run away, or something crazy like that. I woke up before going downstairs.

My Thoughts
I have absolutely no idea what to make of this dream. Yubo and I have not recently been in a fight. I did not go to bed with any ill thoughts or feelings towards him. Actually, we went to bed in afterglow. ^_~

I also don't think I watched or read anything that would've sparked this, so no triggers from irl that I can figure out.