Yeah.. I'm up pretty damn early...
We actually went to sleep at around 2:30ish. I just woke up from a really disturbing dream a while ago. A while ago before this post because I was stuck in bed, sobbing... just racking sobs...Neko will notice that I called his phone twice. When he didn't pick up, I called my sister, who picked up her phone and talked to me. I needed to hear another voice.
The reason I had to call someone was because Yubo wouldn't wake up.. and in his sleep, he actually pulled his arm away twice. So I gripped his arm.. so hard and so long that my hand started throbbing.. and I cried and cried... and all this time, he didn't wake up.
The moment I felt I could release him without breaking down even further, I rolled over as quick as I could and fumbled for my phone. Noticed the battery was about to die.. fished for my charger. While the phone charged, called Neko. When he didn't pick up, called the sissyter.
I'm sooo thankful that she picked up. Just hearing her voice, only half listening to what she was saying.. it calmed me, though what she was saying was a good distraction from what I was feeling. Changing topics from the dream. It was good.
So right now, I'm up with all the lights on, trying to calm myself further. Drinking my favorite Vitamin Water flavor: Revive.
I've never woken up so terrified of a dream, though I don't think it was the dream itself. I think it was Yubo not waking up and pulling away that actually set me off. I felt alone and scared out of my mind, and he was right there next to me.. but he wasn't there for me.
I was actually scared I was going to hyperventilate. I just couldn't calm down.
The fits are actually trying to start up again.. I feel little spurts of them, but I can breathe them off.
The dream was kinda about work at Fry's. But the role of Ramin was, for some reason, played by Memo (a guy I met in college). I was asking him to give me something to do, and he was about to turn the water hose on me. I charged at him, telling him to do it if he dared. So he dared, and he blasted me with water, but I stood my ground and I fought him. At one point, he was at my back with water blasting down on my head, and I was biting into.. that spot where your thumb turns into your first finger. The meat gave way, but the skin didn't break. Only then did I run away, and I had to prompt Yubo (who was there for whatever reason) to call the cops. I was able to give him the address we were at calmly, which I think was just our apartment address. I woke up soon after that.
The dream before that, we were at some party. A girl invited us to an orgy? But there was only one guy, and the hostess was having him all to herself. The rest of the women just played with themselves. There was one girl, white, blonde, kinda tall, that wasn't doing anything. So I asked her, in a friendly way, "What's up?" So she took me out of the room to talk with me privately.. confide in me something. We went to the back porch, and she told me something about her eyebrows...? We went back into the house, so I could find some light to see her in, but I couldn't find her. There were three entrances to the house, and for some reason, we took different entrances. I heard that she ran off, thinking that I deserted her and thought of her the way everyone else did. So I tried to track her down to tell her the truth. Got on bikes to follow her.. me and Yubo. I spotted her running out into a field. So we finally caught up to her, though Yubo didn't use the bike. And I told her the truth, and she felt better.
Then there was something about growing eggs? and lots of traveling by this blue bus. We were waiting for bus #690 (of course, I'm a pervert even in my dreams.. especially after a pseudo-orgy). There were some officials, a guy and a girl, at the bus stop too, and Yubo sat with them with a map to figure out which way to really go, cuz the directions we got were from some random local. So he sat and smoked with them, and went over the map. The guy actually took the cigarette from Yubo, even though it was almost done, and smoked from that, even though his partner's cig was only half done. ::shrugs::
Then the weirdo dream. Then the waking up, crying.
All of that in less than two hours of sleep.
I think I'm just gonna finish of this bottle of Vitamin Water before I go back to bed. I think by then I should be good to sleep again. I'll read Neko's journal as a bedtime story, since I didn't get to talk to him. Haha.
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My Thoughts
As I was going through my dj to pull these dream entries, I was wondering where this dream was. So I'm probably missing some other dreams that I didn't label as dream entries in the title. Oh well.
I still remember this horrifying dream. It left such a... scar, I want to say. Again, it was mostly because I felt Yubo wasn't there for me when I really needed him. I was disgusted by what happened in the dream... it wasn't like I actually bit off any flesh into my mouth, but I really felt my teeth sink in.
It was a long time before I told Yubo what happened. I didn't want to make him feel bad since he wasn't at fault. I recall not really being able to put much effort into waking him. I was nearly paralyzed with fear, and all I could do was cry. I couldn't even say anything to try to wake him. I guess it hurt that even crying as loudly as I thought I was couldn't wake him.
And... yeah. Not much to say about that pseudo-orgy dream.
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