The Dream
Highlights of this dream that made it so upsetting:
I was messing around with a guy that seemed to be a combination of all my previous serious boyfriends. At the end of it, I remember feeling so much guilt. I even turned to the guy and cried and told him that I swore never to cheat on Yubo.
Some stuff happened here but I don't remember.
Yubo and I were in a store with our kids (o.o) and one set of our parents. In some random aisle we get into an argument. Starts off about him mad at me for some rude thing I said in the car on the way over to the store. I supposedly asked him with a lot of attitude, "Can you just stop the car now?" I asked him what I was supposed to say, and he said, "I don't know. Something like nicely asking where we're going??" In my head, I thought I can't tell him that I don't trust him with directions... or something like that. The argument escalates, and I yelled something back at him. Then he said, "Why are you yelling at me?!?" And I said, "I'm not yelling at you!" I tried to calm down and asked, "Can't I yell when I'm frustrated and upset?" or something like that. It went on, and I remember thinking that we shouldn't fight in front of the kids. But it got worse, and I slumped to the floor crying. Then something something.. and I told them all "Bye" and ran off. He said, bored, "See you later," assuming I'd actually be back.
So I ran out of the store and past the window where I thought they would see that I was actually running away.
Some really unimportant random stuff happened here while I was running.
Then super random stuff that usually happens in my dreams, this time involving some creature that was a combination of ET, Gollum, and a gremlin. o.0 Also something with Harry Potter with some sort of mullet and blue streaks in his hair.
Backstage of some Ynez auditorium, I was talking with some other people. The size of the backstage area was a lot bigger than it really is. Anyway, some girl was talking about love, and said something like, "Love doesn't lie." I laughed at her, and told her, "Love lies. If you believe it doesn't, then you've never really been in love before." She left in a huff, not wanting to believe me. She passed by this other girl on the way out who was sitting down, and she gave me this look that she understood just as well as I did about love. I watched the other girl as she left with a very sad feeling for her. I guess the second girl was telling the first girl about a situation, and the first girl was trying to tell her that wasn't love.. or something.
Anyway... so those three things left me with this awful feeling when I woke up: I cheated on him, I left him and our family, and I had that opinion of love.
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My Thoughts
I think I really would be very devastated if I cheated on Yubo. I always joke that if I wanted to cheat on Yubo, I'd have to cheat on him with him. But that is true, to an extent. I feel I'm finally with the one I really wanted to be with all this time, so there's no need to cheat. Strange reasoning, but it makes sense to me.
The fight was interesting. There are a lot of times when I feel frustrated, but I'm usually the only one to raise my voice and break down. Because he shuts down when faced with conflict, sometimes I get the impression that he doesn't really care. And the running away, and his feeling like there's nothing to worry about because he "knows" I'll be back is very realistic. I don't know about those kids though... o.o;;
And when considering that, "Love lies," I would still agree with it. "Deception of the heart," I suppose. Or just blind love, and not in a good way.
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