August 16, 2010

The Dream
I actually can't recall too much of this dream. As soon as I woke up, I worked to to dislodge it from my mind. But I will still try to write what I remember.

Basically, Yubo hated me, wanted nothing to do with me, and after only 4 months already wanted a divorce. We fought and yelled. We tried having make-up sex, and it didn't feel good at all. He couldn't even keep it up for me. It was an enormous mess. At some point I walked away in a huff. When I returned with tears and apologies, he completely ignored me with a smile. I snapped again. Somewhere in there, something was said along the lines of my not even being good enough to be his whore. He was just happy to wash his hands of me.

Not much longer after the fight, it was a strange mix of things. Something about my needing to sign a petition of some sort because J was running for office...? But the image of Yubo kept drifting by, passing windows, walking down the street.... like he was haunting me. There was actually another guy doing the exact same thing. Can't remember who he was though. Perhaps, in the dream, another ex?

The strange thing was that I couldn't remember J's name. I recalled his middle name, but couldn't figure out what his first name was. It wasn't until I had to drive to the post office (or bank?) to drop off his paperwork that I remembered his name. Starts with a J. Duh, that should've helped me out long time ago.

In the parking lot of the post office/bank, Yubo appeared in the back seat. I turned around and hit his leg, telling him to leave me alone already. He told me he finally finished his response to my letter. He pointed in front of me to an old brown street sign that had this poem of some sort displayed on it. It made horrible sense. But it amounted to his apology to me. I think we ended up being okay in the end.

My Thoughts
The dream ended on a somewhat good note. I woke up a little perplexed. Checked the time as I always do when I wake up (it was just getting to 6am). Went to the bathroom, then got back into bed. I took the time to try and shake Yubo awake, and asked him if he would hold me. He moaned that he would, and all was fine, until I said, "Please." I don't know if the word actually made it completely out of my mouth before it turned into a sob. Thankfully the sob alerted him awake, and he quickly rolled over to hold me. I have no idea what I would have done if he didn't wake up. So I clung to him and wailed. I kept telling myself it was a dream, forcing myself to realize that he was there next to me and willing to hold and comfort me.

I eventually had to sit up and try to keep my eyes open so that I wouldn't go back to that place. I even put my glasses on. Sitting up, I kept grabbing his hand -- yes, his wedding ring is still there -- and putting a hand on his face. He thought he had died. I felt kinda bad telling him that it wasn't his epic death that was causing this reaction.

He's back to sleep now, and I'm still recovering.